Source: Perception of Loss
Source: Here we go…
There I am. Standing in the low end budget section of the grocery store. Arms piled high in frozen dinners I’ll be lucky enough to enjoy let alone cook the remainder of the week. I’ve missed atleast two shifts in two days of my two part time jobs and these are groceries this week. The few things I splurge on are fresh fruit and yogurt for Zoey.
And there I am. It’s 4:00 pm and she is running about forty feet down the long aisle screaming “no!!! Mine!!!!!”. She has raspberries strewn all along her path. A few people looking at me obviously wondering why I’m not disciplining her and a few others wondering why I’m not chasing her and bargaining with her. The truth is, all I could do was choose between laugh and cry. I was defeated. It’s been a long couple of days and I will need my energy for the dinner time battle, the bath time war, and the bed time hell. So I just very calmly looked at her and stoically replied, “dude… Here’s the rest of the berries, just come here”.
She walked proudly towards me knowing damn well she had won. And everyone looked at me like I was the biggest pushover mom in the world. I don’t care.
It all started two days ago. She had a doctor appt. I left work a half day to bring her. That appt took all afternoon. She was miserable from being poked and prodded at which I understood and didn’t blame her. She napped VERY late and therefore went to bed late. Which means I went to bed late. Does that mean I slept in this Morning? No. At 3:55 my dog decided to be ridiculously loud and obnoxious. I knew it was either get up and try to diffuse the dog situation or risk it waking her up. So I got up. My fiancé half asleep said in the sweetest voice “want me to get up?” Yes!!! Yes goddammit!! But he fell back asleep and I really wanted to punch him in the face in that instant but instead went and made a coffee. I wasn’t really mad at him nor had a reason to be. There was no reason for him to get up. I guess misery just lives company lol.
So here it is Tuesday. The day she comes to work with me. To my office. With paperwork. My office now resembles a mid afternoon in a daycare center. I left it that way. She still was in a crappy mood apparently and my head hurt by noon from the screaming. Doctor called. We have to be back there at 2:30. Ugh. Another 45 minute ride one way with her screaming and miserable so she can be poked and prodded again.
Another two hours at pediatrician and her shrill screech is deafening. My brain is mush. I have two jobs I’m falling behind on. Still don’t really know what’s the reason my kid isn’t feeling well, haven’t slept, and realized I haven’t eaten. Gotta stop at the grocery store. Gotta make it through this last chore….
And so there I was. In the grocery store. Giving in to my temper tantrum two year old without blinking an eye. Judge me. I don’t care.
And here I am now. In my bed. And my kid is asleep. On time!!! I managed to save my energy to make bath time fun. Dinner yummy. And bed time a breeze. I have no regrets.