I like to set the image for these posts in Black and White, because let’s face it, when it comes to parenting, it’s pretty much the only way i can get away with no gray area. It’s simple, and elegant, and resembles the opposite of parenting.
For every “solid” reason I give to my child for why she cannot do something, she finds a reason to be able to do it. For every stern look i send her way, she digs and comes back with a smile and a laugh, with a reason it’s funny.
It’s tough not to laugh a little when she smirks knowing damn well she is doing something she shouldn’t be. It’s hard not to want to cry when she refuses to put her shoes on for an hour and you’re already late to a potentially now fragile position at work because she also refused to eat breakfast, and really didn’t want to get dressed.
I sometimes feel bad for thinking there is possibility that because I have a child now that I will never be up for promotions, or opportunities that i may have been up for pre-child. I have been in the room before I had my daughter where I have listened to management discuss that some employees are great but “they have their hands full with the kids” so they may not be best for whatever duties they had been considered for. Now I know this is completely unfair, but it’s reality folks. Employers don’t advertise it, because it’s illegal to admit that is even an issue in regards to the workplace. But it is- in small rooms, in offices and in conference meetings alike.
This realization makes it even more frustrating, because as mothers, we try so hard to provide, and do whats best for our little ones. And this is not 1950, where our only contribution is cooking and cleaning the household ladies! Families are working more than ever, multiple jobs, by BOTH partners (when both are involved) because financially it’s necessary. But when was the last time a man at work said “I gotta take the day off, my toddler is sick”. Nope, its usually mommy’s issue. making her “unreliable”.
Nowadays, being a mommy is not only thankless, but more exhausting than ever. Our responsibilities have tripled, our stress levels are through the roof, and we are no more equals than we ever were, despite what we are being told.
I dont blame my daughter for this, i dont resent her for any of it, I dont regret having kids. I just really dont understand why the gray areas are constantly being undermined by the black and white of parenting duty.
So to the mommies who feel bad for wanting to cry when their overtired, cranky toddler has a meltdown about yogurt while you’re busting your ass to get to a job you cant even guarantee you’ll do anything with other than barely cover bills- it’s ok, and you’re not alone.