Mom Guilt: The Ultimate Superpower (Said No One Ever)

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children, family, kids, life, mental-health, mommy, motherhood, parenting, play, playtime, toddler, work

I’m writing this post from the trenches of mom guilt, where I’ve been residing for the past few years. It’s a lovely place, really. The anxiety is palpable, the self-doubt is suffocating, and the constant feeling of inadequacy is just the cherry on top.

But let’s be real, mom guilt is a superpower. It’s the ability to feel simultaneously responsible for everything and nothing at the same time. It’s the power to turn a simple trip to the grocery store into a gut-wrenching examination of your parenting skills.

‘Should I have bought organic?’

‘Are Goldfish crackers really a suitable snack?’

‘Why did I forget to pack the sippy cup?!’

And don’t even get me started on the big stuff. School choices, extracurricular activities, discipline techniques… it’s a never-ending cycle of self-doubt and worry.

But here’s the thing: mom guilt is a lie. It’s a trap that we set for ourselves, a constant reminder that we’re not good enough. And yet, we can’t seem to shake it off.

So, what’s the solution? How do we break free from the cycle of mom guilt and embrace our inner superhero?

For starters, let’s try to be kinder to ourselves. Let’s acknowledge that we’re doing the best we can, and that’s something to be proud of.

Let’s also try to support each other, rather than comparing and competing. Let’s lift each other up, rather than tearing each other down.

And finally, let’s try to remember that we’re not alone. We’re all in this together, and we’re all just winging it.

So, to all my fellow moms out there who are struggling with the same feelings of guilt and inadequacy – let’s raise a (cold) cup of coffee to ourselves, and remember that we’re all superheroes in our own way. And if all else fails, let’s just order some pizza and call it a day.

Fun and Chaotic: Our Epic Family Road Trip Adventure

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children, kids, mommy, motherhood, parenting, play

We did it! We actually did it! We packed up our tiny humans, loaded up the car, and embarked on a road trip that will go down in history as the most epic adventure ever (or at least that’s what we’re telling ourselves).

Here are the highlights (or lowlights, depending on how you look at it):

– We only got lost 2 times (both of which ended in seeing cool stuff)

– We survived on a diet of cashews, crackers and drive-thru fries

– We made it through a bazillion hours of ‘I dropped my toy! Can you get it??!!’ without losing our minds (mostly)

– And we even got a few minutes of peace when the kids fell asleep (cue angelic choir)

-Nobody got car sick!

Of course, it wasn’t all smooth sailing. There were tantrums, there were meltdowns, and there was at least one instance of ‘I’m bored’ being uttered approximately every 5 seconds. BUT, we made it through, and we even had fun.

So, if you’re thinking of embarking on a road trip with your kiddos, here are some tips:

– Pack snacks. Lots and lots of snacks.

– Bring earplugs (for the whining)

– Bring small bags for the trash that will accumulate in the car.

– And most importantly, remember that it’s okay to lose your mind a little (or a lot)

Happy road tripping, friends!

We left early to avoid some drama….

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children, daughter, home, kids, life, mom, mommy, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, play, Roadtrip, travel, writing

Threats of tornadoes in our home area tomorrow, which is pretty rare. So we decided to leave this afternoon.l to avoid driving through bad weather. We stopped the car about 300 feet from our driveway to check something in the car, and I opened my door and stepped RIGHT into a poison ivy patch on the side of the road. So literally 12 seconds into the trip, we had to run back to the house so I could wash my feet and sandals.

Make it a couple towns over and Delilah “has to go potty really bad!” So we stop. Obviously. And grab ourselves coffee.

We put in about 4,5 hours of driving and decided to get a hotel for the night. The girls really did awesome. I have renewed faith in this trip!

We find a really decent hotel and as SOON as we get inside and settled, the power goes out due to the sudden gnarly storms bearing down over us. Well- at least we didn’t have to drive through that. The power flickered and went out about 6-8 times at the hotel and now is (fingers crossed) on consistently and the storms have settled. we are excited to see what tomorrow brings.

Solving the Challenges of Family Travel Prep: Packing, Cleaning, and Organization

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children, home, kids, mommy, motherhood, packing, parenting, play, Roadtrip, toddler, travel

Well, the packing has officially begun. My cousin is coming to stay at our house with the doggies (OMG I will miss them so so so much!!!), so I am trying to make sure my house is clean, while the girls and I try to keep focused on what needs to be packed and brought with us. It’s been crappy raining and humid today so they’ve been kind of coupled up with me, which means tensions are a tad high.

Their suitcases (that we borrowed from one of my husband’s coworkers, because we NEVER travel) are pretty much packed – our shared suitcase still remains empty.

You see, my husband has a way better fashion sense about him than I do, and is pretty specific about what he will need. Meanwhile, I’m just hoping my “good” jeans are clean when it comes time to leave, because I really don’t have a plan for clothing. Toss in a few undergarments, a few tank tops and a hoodie and call it a win i suppose. Poor guy, this, ladies and gentlemen, is his trophy lol! Isn’t he just blessed?!

I am more concerned about how to pack the food we are bringing. Delilah, my four year old, is so excited and Zoey, my ten year old, is excited but also acting annoyed when I remind her things need to get done. I get that genetic eye roll, the sigh she doesn’t think I hear, and the repetitive “mooooommmm!!! I can’t find stuff I need!!!!!!”.

I am refusing to buy any groceries so as to leave too much to spoil while we are gone. But I am planning on baking some muffins for us to bring, as well as leave a batch for my cousin. That being said, dinner is an absolute free for all for the next two nights. Which is fine by me, as it’s been too hot to really cook a ton anyways.

Keeping the house clean while keeping the kids organized and on task is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.

T minus less than 48 hours to take off…..

WISH ME LUCK!

What to pack, what to leave behind?

Never having planned for a real roadtrip before, let alone with little ones, I have started making “the lists”. It started as ONE list, then got divided into multiple lists; The “food” list became “cooler foods” and “NOT cooler foods”, the “suitcase” list got broken down into “toiletries/meds/etc”, and “stuff for the car” and “odds and ends” and “clothing”…. Meanwhile my four year old has presented, in her excitement, a mini bag of random crap from her room that she deems absolutely necessary to bring. It contains all the things I really need a vacation from like the tiny LOL doll pieces I secretly vacuum up sometimes, a broken paintbrush that she swears she still needs, and random dried up containers of playdough. So… those will be joining us apparently, because if I say “no” it will be the beginning of a lovely meltdown on her end, setting a not-so-fun tone for the trip before we even leave. Pick my battles, and lose most of them anyways!

BUT- I am excited, and the girls are excited, and my husband says he is excited but has also been somewhat quiet in the planning, discussion and execution of the entire idea.

I saw a post somewhere that talked about the beauty of a roadtrip that doesn’t allow ANY screens, and how it creates an opportunity for the children to be super involved in the excursion. I can assure you, we will NOT be doing that. We will definitely give them the opportunity to stop fighting in the car and mind their own screens for at least a portion of the almost 2,000 mile round trip. Tablets, chargers, etc… that’s literally its own list now. I just created it in my head. Judge me, go ahead….. the screens are coming with us!

Grocery bags for the garbage that will accrue in the car, puke bags for my 10 year old who gets car sickness just riding into town sometimes (also bringing Dramamine for the poor girl), and packages of baby wipes.

I feel like I will forget something super important, in fact, I would almost guarantee it. But I was hoping making the lists would help limit that, however, it’s starting to feel like THE LISTS are starting to create a craziness in me. Before I’m finished I will have a list of all the lists I need! Is that just a thing that happens when you’re a mom? You just have this need to have stuff planned out tediously? I used to be such a fly by the seat of my pants kind of person, now I am the list lady??? Is it because I’m mommy?

We be trippin’

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children, kids, mommy, motherhood, parenting, playtime, Roadtrip, travel

Wow , it has been quite some time since I last blogged, wrote, whatever here. So a few minor things to announce (if anyone at all still reads this).

1. Not only do my husband and I have a second child now, but she is nearly five years old! (Yeah, i said it had been a hot minute since I blogged!)

2. We are gearing up for a road trip, (the longest I’ve ever been on, let alone with kids in tow) and are leaving in a few days to the Carolina’s.

So I am going to try to document this inevitable shit-show and not only make some memories, but get back into my writing. We are doing this the “old school” way, packing coolers, and sort of winging it, but we DID book hotels for our stays. I am WAY too old to be camping all Willy nilly with these beautiful little gremlins.

So – if anyone at all out there still reads this blog, check back daily as I start packing, semi-planning, and sharing our excursion! Also – feel free to leave any road trip “hacks” you may have for us to consider to make our lives easier!

Because I said so

Picture it- it’s a Wednesday morning, 6:45am. The birds are chirping, the sky is blue and your coffee tastes like heaven. WHY does your coffee taste like heaven? Because you’ve been up all night, and this is the sanity you needed. You know damn well that the emails are rolling in, the lunches need to be packed, the animals need to be walked and fed, and that you need to shower and get dressed to some degree of socially acceptable. But you’re tapped out.  You’re tired. Your brain hurts, your back hurts, and your psyche hurts. You didn’t even know you could feel that non-physical pain- in fact you’ve always been a skeptic in terms of psycho babble bullshit. But today, your EVERYTHING HURTS.  And it’s real.

So- despite the beautiful weather and lack of physical illness- you make the call- no! You write the email!
“subject line… “today…”

the email body sounds something like this-

“home today- see you tomorrow!”

and that’s all you can muster to address the lack of severity of your child’s absence and to also acknowledge it… “send”..

now to enjoy this coffee for maybe five minutes.  Guilt rushes over you, but the sense of calm is greater.  There is so much pressure to get it all done, and to not miss a beat, that sometimes I feel the need to remind myself that only I know myself, and my kids.
I don’t pull them from school without reason, in fact,  this is the perfect reason. WE need a day  we need to chill, hang out, be goofs and unwind together. WE will learn more from this one day at home playing games, cooking, telling jokes, reading books, wrestling, making up “scary stories”, and cleaning than WE would’ve otherwise learned today. And I’m ok with that.  Don’t get me wrong, there are days I’m calling them out because they are actually ill, but once in a great while I will hunker in with snacks, jam the Janis and Fogerty, and reconnect. Because in all fairness, disconnection is an illness of sorts, and at the end of the day these are MY children, and it’s MY job to fix that, and MY call as to when it’s appropriate, because I’M mommy.

 

Organized clusterfuck. I love my husband.

“Mom! Could you please grab me a juice box?!”

normally my response would be “yup I got it!”.

But having a three week old now clarifies how much my 6 year old is completely capable of doing on her own. Things that I have been doing for her all along. Things she now feels pushed aside about when I tell her “get up and grab it!”.
“Mom-stuck”. When one kid actually is requiring your undivided attention for the sake of safety, hygiene, sustenance- but another child is wanting you’re attention and creates a split-second pandemonium of urgency and disaster.

”mom! I think we have a BIG problem out here!!” Yells my older daughter from the other side of the shower curtain as I quickly try to scrub the formula, sweat, spit up and god-only knows what else off myself.
“what?!!!” I yell back, nervous as to what could possibly have gone wrong in 3.7 seconds.
“I think maybe the tooth fairy isn’t gonna know when my tooth comes out!”

….. I have already settled on the idea that my legs won’t be shaved this round, and that as long as my general “scent” now resembles that of a fabricated Amazonian waterfall (according to the soap wrapper), it’s close enough. I jump out of shower. Annoyed. But also relieved as there is no real crisis.
“zoey, I love you. The tooth fairy knows. She knows everything. “

But that’s a lie. Just one of many lies. The “tooth fairy” doesn’t know everything. She tried. She tried to remember everything. And tries to be on time. And tried to shave her legs so please, for fucks sake, don’t comment on her “fuzzy ankles” again.

fast forward to me being mom stuck. Holding a newborn. Feeding her.  She has ZERO concern that you have to pee. Or eat. Or work. Or cry for a second. So you do it all while simultaneously trying to keep conversation with older child so they don’t feel left out. Mom stuck. Stuck in a position emotionally that cannot be unraveled. Stuck physically in such a way that strains your neck and back and arms. Stuck. Just stuck.

also. The dog needs to go out. And the cat won’t shut up because it wants to eat for the 17363774th time today.
this calls for the “big guns”.
my husband. Thank the good lord for that man.  He enters the room, and somehow, within minutes, I have food, baby has food, six year old is content in a game, the dog made it outside and the cat has been muted with friskies.

My yin and my yang

What’s the saying about parenthood, 

“the nights are long and the years are short”…

True. So true. 

Being a mommy changes who you are to the depths of your soul. I’ve caught myself caring/talking/acting out on things I never thought would be a reality until I became a mommy. 

I’ve cried myself to sleep way more often from exhaustion than I ever did “pre-kid” about boys and mean girls and bad parties. 

My priorities have done a complete turn around. 

I’ve discovered that parenthood isn’t a “job” so much as it is a life. A forever thing. Which I happily commit to. 

My prior “fuck it” attitude has morphed into a strange constant concern for everything. 

Every once in a great while I feel a brief envy of childless women my age. I wonder where I’d be. As if I suddenly I would’ve pulled my head out of my ass for any other reason and busted my ass to be where I’m at without my kid. 

I have to remind myself in those moments that if not for her, there’s a huge possibility I’d be in rough shape. 

My motivation (zoey) for success  is also my biggest need for a vacation, she is my yin and my yang. My daughter is the biggest balance I have in this world. 

And I never imagined myself saying this- but I’m ok with that, because I’m mommy. 

Time flies when you’re having…. work?

I’ve always worked hard. And then I had my daughter. I was a single mom before she was even born. Which threw my ambition into overdrive. I was determined to work and make the best and do the best and provide the best. 

Now my daughter is so close to entering kindergarten and I feel like someone else raised my daughter so far. Day cares, babysitters. I feel like I wanna quit all my jobs and sit home all day every day with her. I see moms on social media talk about their successful ventures with at home business and how it’s allowed them to be home and I see other moms who have never had to leave the comfort of their own home to work at all. (Lucky!). 

And I know other moms who do work but are still with their child’s father. So weekends are fun time!! Not me. She goes to her dads on weekends. So I work all week and say goodbye to her on weekends. 

I feel like a drill Sargent all week. Get up. Get dressed. Eat. We gotta go. Then I pick her up and head home and it’s relax. Eat dinner. Bath. Bed. No real adventure. 

I just wanna let mommas like me know that it’s ok to feel forgotten. It’s ok to feel like second fiddle. And it’s ok to be sad.  But it’s not ok to stop trying. It’s not ok to give up. It’s not ok to blame. But it’s ok to be frustrated. I feel like sometimes the instagram and Pinterest topics don’t fit “us” in anywhere. How the fuck am I supposed to google “kid doesn’t know her last name but thinks she is old enough to drive and refuses to acknowledge she isn’t a cat but scored really high in tests art project”???

I learned yesterday that my kid scored as high as possible on her state testing for her age, except… she doesn’t know her last name!!! 

How did that get forgotten. How did I forget to do that? I taught her how to fold wash cloths. I taught her how to feed the dogs. But the kid doesn’t know her last name! And she is three but if you ask her she is 6 and a half!!! 

Keep going moms! No matter the situation. Remember to take what little time we may have and utilize it the best way possible. 

Cheers momma!